Chili Cheese Smashdog

Chili Cheese Smashdog at Smashburger

smashburger.com

C

This is it. This is the meal that turned me around on Smashburger. You see, the topic of best burgers in Vegas is a hot one, and I am regularly asked/required/tortured to eat/write/compare burgers until I can't take it anymore. So like everybody else, I am something of a Vegas burger expert. And also like everybody else, I have my favorites. Fukuburger is one. In-N-Out always will be up there. There are others. But lately, Smashburger has been around the top of the list, too.

Now it's sliding down, as if it slipped on a buttery, greasy chute to mediocrity. The burgers are very good. The smash-it-on-the-flat-top-grill method is solid, and the toppings are fresh and high quality. But the thing is greasy ... too greasy. A real burger shouldn't be without some dripping fatjuice, but Smashburgers go a little too far. And I realized that when, after having almost every burger on the menu, I tried this dog. It's a perfectly decent, all-beef weiner, topped with beefy chili, grated cheese, onions and pretty jalapeno slices. But they rock the smash method on dogs, too, splitting this sucker open and smushing it flat. With burgers, it creates juicyness. With dogs, it dries 'em out. So it's shiny and greasy on the outside and flaky and super-salty on the inside. Mediocrity. Further oiling things up is the fact that they butter toasted the poppy seed bun. So now you've got greasy dog, greasy chili and greasy bread creating a yucktacular film in your mouth, which is melting, by the way, from these fresh 'penos. A bit much? Yes.

I still like you, Smashburger. I will still eat you. Just not as much.

Swiss Burger

Swiss Burger at Cafe Cortez

elcortezlv.com

B-

This unheralded downtown Vegas diner is becoming a favorite lunch spot for me because the simple, nicely cooked burgers are so consistent. This easy choice has a thick slab of melted Swiss cheese and sauteed mushrooms and onions as adornment. Granted, you can find a mushroom and Swiss burger on pretty much every menu, and there's really nothing special about it. But these are the mushrooms and onions you dream of when you order something like this, perfectly griddled to that state of buttery-yet-still-crispness. Cortez done the plain old burger just right.

Premium Crispy Chicken Club Sandwich

Premium Crispy Chicken Club Sandwich at McDonald's

mcdonalds.com

C+

Whatever the word "premium" means at McDonald's, that's what this tastes like.

I was surprised. It was okay. The bun, which is supposed to be "bakery style," was a little hard, but the lettuce and tomato were in good shape, the bacon actually tasted like bacon, and the chicken was consistently crispy and appeared to actually be all white meat just like the clown says. The cheese. allegedly Swiss, is weird and shiny and has no taste, and the chicken's golden coating could use some more flavor. But all in all, this was a decent sandwich for McDonald's, and I didn't feel like I was going to die after eating it.

Corned Beef

Corned Beef Sandwich at Del Mar Deli

southpointcasino.com

B-

I figured a sandwich at this casino deli would be pretty good, because the homies at Bagel Cafe used to run this little quick food outlet. But they don't anymore; now the South Point Casino handles it. They probably haven't changed much, and why would they? This corned beef has the perfect lean-to-fat ratio, and it tastes great. Problem is the bread. Call it rye if you want, but it doesn't taste like it. It's too soft, not really chewy, and just cannot handle this massive meat mountain. Also, I appreciate that Del Mar has quick mustard dispensers for you to add your own, but get a legit deli mustard option. Can't do corned beef without it.

Slap & Tickle

Slap & Tickle at The Beat Coffeehouse

thebeatlv.com

D+

I love sandwiches at The Beat, but very few sandwich spots are batting a thousand. There's almost always gonna be something on the menu where things get a bit slippery. The idea behind the Slap & Tickle is a good one, mixing sweet and salty and spicy. But the execution isn't there.

It's got organic peanut butter and homemade jam -- I believe it was strawberry in this case -- with smoked bacon on pan de mie. That'd be fancy French for completely unfancy white bread. I feel like there may have been jalapeno on the sandwich as well, but I could be wrong. Using such an ordinary bread is the first mistake. The second is the bacon. It wasn't crispy. Droopy, soggy strips of swine, even if there are some smokey, savory flavors, will never cut the mustard on a sandwich, particularly not when the other ingredients are sweet and gooey. Also, too much jam and not enough peanut butter. If you're gonna go crazy with a peanut butter bacon sandwich, you've got a pick a team: PB or piggy. Let one dominate and the other complement. This sucker can't make up its mind.

Bleu Cheese Burger

The Bleu Cheese Burger at Munch Bar

caesarspalace.com

B-

This is one big, bold burger. It's supposed to be, as it's served by Munch Bar in Caesars Palace, a quick and casual spot designed to feed the clubbers and casino folk at lunch, dinner and late night hours. The thick, juicy beef patty is pretty delicious, augmented by a mound of creamy bleu cheese, big strips of smoked bacon and sauteed mushrooms. The bun is just as huge, one of those wonderful pieces of bread that is both light and heavy at the same time, sturdy enough to stand up to all the burgerness you can handle. Overall, an above average burger with generous toppings, and too big to finish.

Teriyaki Turkey Burger

Teriyaki Turkey Burger at Carl's Jr.

carlsjr.com

F

Carl's Jr. food is terrible, but you gotta give it up for some of its recent commercials. No, not the Paris Hilton car wash one. That's terrible, too. I'm talking about the one where Carl's lays it down with "This is what we do, and that's the way it is." It's funny, it's bold (enough) and it's memorable, and if you have a problem with it, you're kinduva bitch-ass.

It's just too bad that Carl can't seem to make edible sandwiches. Their latest creation is a batch of shitty turkey burgers. Fully expecting a flavorless mystery-birdmeat disc, I ordered the burger that had the most crazy shit on it in: the Teriyaki turkey burg. It's drenched in sugary teriyaki glaze with Swiss cheese, onion, tomato, lettuce and a slice of grilled pineapple, all stacked on a honey-wheat bun. Motherfuckin' UGH. Couldn't eat it all. Usually you wouldn't complain about the meat in your burger being too big, but the cardbird patty is giant, mealy and has no taste to speak of. The sauce might as well have been maple syrup. Swiss cheese? Why?

You may have noticed that allsandwich is seeing quite a few less fast food entries these days. Shit like this is why. But go watch that Carl's commercial again, it's pretty cool. I like the part where Olivia Munn and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar are jetskiing.

Viva Las Vegas

Viva Las Vegas at Canter's Deli

treasureisland.com

A+

Canter's Deli is officially back, at least in my mind, to its original status. That status was a classic California deli, a landmark, that had opened a version on the Las Vegas Strip. When it first arrived at TI, it was pretty exciting. I don't know what happened between then and about a year ago, but that's when I returned for another taste of pastrami to find that all was right in the world again. And I've been back, and things are still right. Way right.


I can't pick a top pastrami in Vegas. The choices are this joint, Carnegie Deli (which is one casino over at The Mirage) or Bagel Cafe. But this creation, the Viva Las Vegas, is officially my favorite sandwich at Canter's. There's plenty of that spicy, juicy pastrami, and an equally tremendous stack of corned beef. Tasted separately, there is a distinct difference as the corned beef is more dense, beefy and salty, while the pastrami is, of course, peppery. But together in one mighty mouthful, everything swirls together in a decadent way. These are the two deli meats that the L.A. Canter's built its reputation on, so it's not a surprise that this sandwich is a winner. Also on these terrific slices of rye, there is some Swiss cheese, just enough creamy coleslaw to cut through the salt, and a barely there dab of Russian dressing. I recommend you add a significant wipe of whole grain, spicy Beaver brand mustard, which will overpower the kinda sweet dressing and legitimize this sandwich as a true deli masterpiece. Just cuz it's on the Strip doesn't mean it ain't real.

Piggy Mac

Piggy Mac at Muncheeze Truck

muncheezetruck.com

B

Whoa. Gotta give extra points to local food truckers for keeping it creative and branching out with the Muncheeze Truck, dedicated to stoner-friendly eats like grilled cheese sandwiches. The Piggy Mac, however, is no ordinary grilled cheese. It's loaded with pulled pork, bacon, macaroni and cheese, a bit of jalapeno and barbecue sauce. So like I said, whoa.

It's tasty, but excessive. I have never been a fan of putting mac and cheese between slices of bread. I just don't think it works, and combined here with the pork and sauce, and more American cheese, it's a little overwhelming. But it still tastes great and is definitely a memorable sandwich.

Philly Cheese Steak

Philly Cheese Steak at Rock and Rita's

rockandritas.com

C-

You can never go wrong with a cheesesteak, right? Not even when you're eating food at Circus Circus? Well, Rock and Rita's isn't as bad as you might thing. It's just a straight-up white trash party bar, which isn't the worst thing in the world. I mean, chicken wings. But sandwich-wise, what appeared to be a safe bet was a little disappointing because ... it's a French dip! You can't fool us. Just because you throw your chopped meat on a 9-inch Philly roll don't make it a Philly. The beef is clearly flavored and sliced for the French dip on the menu, just tossed on here with some grilled onions and peppers and slathered in a decent if lackluster cheese sauce. Nice try.

The Johnny

The Johnny at Johnny McGuire's

johnnymcguires.com

A

I'm not sure who to blame this on, but I feel like the perception of a sandwich's greatness has been tainted by the kind of crazy you see on Food Network and Travel Channel shows. You know, Man vs. Food, Diners Drive-Ins and Dives, Eating Weird Ass Shit With This Bald Fat Guy, World's Craziest Biggest Nastiest Sandwiches, etc. A sandwich is a simple thing to eat, meats and/or cheeses and/or vegetables held together by bread. Find the right combination -- like sliced turkey, crispy bacon, cream cheese, sprouts, lettuce, tomato, onion, green bell pepper, hot pepperoncini, oil and vinegar on a soft, fresh wheat roll -- and you have something satisfying and potentially magical. Go buck wild and see how much food can you fit between slices of sauced up bread? No. Wrong. The Johnny is right. Food TV is wrong. That concludes the lesson of the day.

Nicoise Sandwich

Nicoise Sandwich at Pinot Brasserie

venetian.com

A

I never would have thought to put a classic Nicoise salad on a soft, delicious ciabatta and call it a sandwich. And I never would have thought I'd find something so good at Pinot Brasserie, kinduva forgotten French restaurant on the Las Vegas Strip. It's hidden next door to the much better-known Valentino Italian eatery, on the casino level of the Venetian. But it's been there forever and the food is still good, and I may be in love with this sandwich.

So what's in a Nicoise? Well, it's always tuna, and on the sammich version it's slices of beautifully seared, peppered ahi, spread with a little olive relish. Got to have olives in the nee-swah. Haricot verts are a constant in the dish, so yep, first time ever eating green beans on a sandwich. They aren't the right size or shape for bread stackage, but they're cool, crisp and tasty, so it works out. Finishing it up are slices of hard boiled egg and a roasted red pepper and basil salad mixture. It's all the flavor of a French classic, ready for on-the-go munching. Well, not really. It's not like Pinot Brasserie has a drive-through window. Hmm, wait ... In-N-Out-Nicoise? Don't steal my idea.

Homemade Roast Beef

Homemade Roast Beef Sub at Capriotti's

capriottis.com

B+

Capriotti's is known for its turkey, but they actually roast both turkey and roast beef in-house, and guess what? The beef is better. Way better. Just like the turkey, it's shredded into bite-sized chunks, not sliced, and the beef retains much more moisture and flavor than the bland bird.

On what is still one my favorite sub rolls around, this roast beef sub comes armed with provolone, lettuce, tomato, onion and a sprinklin' of Cap's seasonings. I tacked on pickles, hot peppers, mayo, mustard and oil. I don't know if I'll ever get a turkey sandwich here again. The other stuff is too good.

Peanut Butter & Bacon Burger

Peanut Butter & Bacon Burger at Rambo's Kitchen

ramboskitchen.com

B

I almost forgot to write about this burger, which is really nuts, because it is quite unforgettable. I've seen and heard a lot about putting peanut butter on a burger, but this was my first go-round. The fact that it was at this super friendly hippy-themed cafe in southwest Vegas made sense somehow. If I'd been high, would it have been better? Doubtful. It's pretty damn good in a sober state. There really are only three ingredients: a half-pound of very well prepared beef, giant strips of crispy bacon and a liberal amount of chunky peanut butter on a nice buttery bun. The PB pretty much melts away instantly, leaving you with a sweet-and-creamy infused beefy bite augmented by the crunch of chopped peanuts. This is one of the few burgers where bacon is something of an afterthought. I want to make a joke now about a "flavor explosion" and this place being called Rambo's, but, nah.

Sandwich Sundays Presents: The Taco Chip Mess

The Taco Chip Mess

homemade

D-

Dark rye bread. Garlic and preserved lemon mustard, which is really good usually but not when you fuck up like this. Boar's Head meats, including sausalito turkey, black forest ham, and thin sliced pepperoni. Dill havarti cheese, which was just moronic in this situation. And then, of course, taco-flavored Doritos, all crushed up.

Look, I don't know what to tell you. Sometimes this is what Sandwich Sundays is about: experimentation. And sometimes experiments go bad and you have to take a few bites of a frankenfuckingnasty sandwich. I will say, the chips created some nice texture, especially since I didn't try to legitimize this beast with some nice crisp vegetables. Ah well, live and learn.

Cheesesteak

Cheesesteak at CheeseSteak Truck

twitter.com/cheesteaktruck

A

Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout. How do you not get excited about the idea of a Philly cheesesteak food truck? You have to. The Vegas CheeseSteak Truck is even more promising because it's an expansion of the already tasty Philly's Famous Italian Ice truck. Philly-style cuisine and dessert all on one vehicle? Nice.

You can order yours with whatever type of cheese you prefer, but I gotta go with the Whiz. This is a big soft sub roll stuffed with marinated, thin-sliced beef, sauteed onions, green peppers and mushrooms, all covered in hot, melty Cheez Whiz. It's one of the best cheesesteaks I've ever had.

Beef Brisket Sandwich

Beef Brisket Sandwich at The Beat Coffeehouse

thebeatlv.com

A

This is the bite that made The Beat. What I mean is: this is a cool little coffee shop where people like to hang out, plug in, and be hip. I don't really participate in those activities. I only care about sandwiches. Furthermore, The Beat is downtown on East Fremont, a place where there are plenty of cool places to hang out and very few worthy places to eat. My two favorite downtown sandwich spots, Naked City Sandwich Shop and Strip Sandwich Shop, have relocated or shuttered in the last year. So that makes The Beat very important.

This sandwich is stocked with tender, juicy, shredded beef (slow cooked brisket), pickled red onions, arugula, and mayo under the influence of something spicy. The menu says jalapeno mayo, but it seems more horseradishy. Whatever it is, it's delicious, a nice combination of great, simple ingredients, all teaming up on a perfect baguette from Bon Breads. Not sure if there is a better sandwich in downtown Vegas.

Special Combo

Special Combo at Lee's Sandwiches

leessandwiches.com

C+

You should always get the crazy-ass sandwich with the most crazy-ass stuff when trying out a banh mi shop, and the special combo at Lee's is a step in the right direction. Lots of crisp, fresh veggies here, and the bread is still doing the job. The meats are ham (jambon), pate, and cured pork, which is the bright red, crazy-ass looking stuff. The problem is, it looks wilder than it tastes. Lee's appears to be a robo-sandwich processing center, and the flavors reflect that. Cyborg sandwich.

Chili Cheese Dog

Chili Cheese Dog at Weinerschnitzel

weinerschnitzel.com

F+

Um, yeah ... don't eat these. I feel like I want to say something good about them. The weiners are all-beef, does that do anything for ya? Not sure if you can say the same thing about the chili. Hmm. They go down easy? No, not really.

Up In Smoke

The Up In Smoke special sub at Naked City Pizza Shop

nakedcitylv.com

B

We were a little sad when the Naked City shop closed up its tiny sandwich headquarters located in the actual Naked City, that patch of Vegas between the Strip and downtown, and relocated inside a bar called Moondoggie's on the west side. The location is a little less convenient, but on the plus side, there is more space for these guys to do their thing -- which now includes a great big pizza menu -- in a cozy, dirty dive bar destination. And most importantly, they kept their great sandwiches on the menu.

This one, the special sub for the month of April, is quite the endeavor. The guys are curing their own pastrami and dropping hefty, fatty slices of it on their very own fresh baked garlic cheddar bacon baguette. It's not like any baguette you've had before, because the bread recipe is fashioned from Naked City's great pizza dough. So it's the shape of a sub but the texture is kinda doughy, kinda biscuity, and full of flavor. Topping things off are a sharp jack cheese, creamy mustard and crisp, sweet onions. The bread is very interesting, the pastrami flavor is right on the money and wonderfully smokey, but the meat is a bit too fatty. Almost a perfect bite, but Naked City gets extra points, as always, for creativity.